When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
