My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
