Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize