Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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