She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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