nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
