when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
