Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
