WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
