I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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