I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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