I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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