so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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