I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
