I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
