oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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