Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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