well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize