I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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