Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
