i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize