So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
