Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
