my room smells like sperm. sweet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
