so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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