oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Even my vagina gasped.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize