I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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