break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
