I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize