fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
