my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
