I faked an abortion last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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