i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
