Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
