I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
