Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
