i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
