You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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