do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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