Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
