Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
