Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
