i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
