the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize