I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this will be a night to untag.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
