Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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