My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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