Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
