I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
