oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
