i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
