she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Semen is not good for contacts.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Randomize
