You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
