Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
