I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
