Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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