Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
