after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize