we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
