You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
