I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
