i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
