I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
