I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
