It was confusing and full of hummus
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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