I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Panties = found
Randomize
