I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
