This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
