LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
