walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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