I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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