I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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