The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
