Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
