And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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