i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize