i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
