Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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