How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
