masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This toilet bowl is my home.
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