Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
