i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
