and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
