I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
