I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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