hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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