Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
