I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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