His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
