He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
