Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
