My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
