I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
