Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
