Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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