I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
