What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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