One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
