Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
