I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
