Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize