There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
