I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
